Misplaced metaphor: Stewing over iOS 11

iOS bugs declared the worst ever. Again.


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Awww, snap, Apple! Looks like the stew’s on the other foot!

Writing for ZDNet, Jason Perlow makes a callback:

“Dear Apple: iOS is now a toxic hellstew.”

You know what they say about karma

That it is the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence and decides their fate in future existences? Boy, howdy, they sure do say that. Mmm-hmm.

…Android phones, dollar for dollar, are increasingly better values than their iOS counterparts.

The Macalope wonders how many of those dollars are spent creating lame notch ripoffs (tip o’ the antlers to Vegas).

Perlow goes on to detail the many bugs of iOS 11, most of which have been fixed. Is it stupid that Apple had an ad that featured an SMS display bug and that they’ve fixed the ad but not the bug? Oh, my God, yes. Unbelievably stupid.

So, is iOS 11 worse than iOS 10 or any of its predecessors? Maybe. But no one has really done any kind of quantitative analysis to prove that and, let’s face it, complaining that every release of iOS is THE WORST EVAH is hardly a new thing.

“iOS 10 is a total mess.”

“Apple iOS 9.1 Release Admits To Serious Problems.”

“Apple's iOS 8 Is Brimming With Bugs.”

It must be because every release of iOS is worse than the previous one. It’s like a Failbonacci sequence.

Google doesn't really have to give a crap about aligning with a hardware refresh cycle because they aren't really a hardware company.

No, they’re really an advertising company. If only we could send Perlow back in time to 2012 to kill all those “GOOGLE IS NOW A HARDWARE COMPANY” headlines.

But let’s get to the Macalope’s real point about Perlow’s piece which is this: he’s “toxic hellstewing” wrong.

The Android “toxic hellstew”, as coined by Perlow’s ZDNet colleague Adrian Kingsley-Hughes back in 2014 and later quoted by Apple onstage, was just about security, not stability or user experience.

“Android fragmentation turning devices into a toxic hellstew of vulnerabilities.”

Kingsley-Hughes’s point was that Android’s security was compromised because OEMs don’t care about providing software updates to their customers. “You already bought the phone, meat sack, what do we care?” While that situation may have gotten better, about 70 percent of Android phones are still running a version that’s two years old or older. The latest release, Oreo, is on just 1.1 percent of Android phones. Meanwhile, the adoption rate for iOS 11 is at least 65 percent and maybe as high as 80 percent.

That’s not the only problem on the other side of the fence. While Android updates, if you get them, may fix some problems, they’re unlikely to fix things like widespread user tracking. Why? Because Alphabet is the largest perpetrator and beneficiary of that tracking (tip o’ the antlers to @shepgo).

So, if you’re asking “Which is the toxic hellstew now, Apple?!”, it’s still very clearly Android, thank you for asking.

Give us the solid "It just works" mobile operating system back, Apple. Please.

That is just what they’ve pledged to work on in iOS 12.

Despite the now rote annual ritual of complaining about the current release of iOS, no one has definitively shown it’s worse than any other release. But if you’re going to make a run at it, the Macalope insists you use your metaphors appropriately.

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