Unfixable: The terminal nature of iOS problems

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The Macalope isn’t sure why every Apple problem has to be existential in nature, but rest assured that someone somewhere will declare that they each are, from failure to prep a Mac Pro in a reasonable amount of time to discontinuing iPod socks.

Writing for ZDNet, Adrian Kingsley-Hughes says “I don't think Apple can fix the iOS mess it's created.” (Tip o’ the antlers to SamT.)

Yes, it is too late for iOS. It had a good run. Please remove the stick-on lettering from the back window of your Charger that memorialized the years your buddy lived before he died in that tragic blimp accident and replace them with ‘In loving memory, iOS. 2007-2018.”

The best way to show that something is completely ruined is to link to someone else who says it’s completely ruined.

…my colleague Jason Perlow did a great job of highlighting how the platform was getting in the way of him getting things done.

Ah, well, as long as we’re just linking to things, allow the Macalope to just link to himself from a couple of weeks ago discussing what was wrong with Perlow’s piece. There. That’s taken care of.

[dusts off hooves]

The horny one doesn’t know how one wins this game of just linking to things to prove them but he’s quite sure he’s playing it perfectly. Seems to be a bit like tennis.

Kingsley-Hughes says iOS’s troubles are nigh unprecedented.

While the Windows user interface went through a bad patch…

If by “a bad patch” you mean The Plateau of Gorgoroth then, yes, “a bad patch.” “That was a bad patch we went through with the orcs and the sulfurous air and no food and constantly under the view of the Lidless Eye and being pursued by a twisted homunculus and constantly being tempted to give into the evil ring and, oh, right, that volcano exploding at the end, wasn’t it?”

Let’s take a look at InfoWorld’s review of Windows 8: Windows 8 review: Yes, it’s that bad.

This is really not even comparable. Even when Apple shipped its most controversial iOS update with version 7, most things worked the same. Windows 8, on the other hand, was an Island of Doctor Moreau-esque attempt to graft tablets and desktops together; almost no one liked it and Microsoft has only finally sorta gotten it usable with Windows 10.

…Window never suffered from the horrendous performance, stability, and bugginess issues that iOS is having…

As someone who has used Windows 3.1, Windows 95, Windows XP, Windows 7, Windows 8 & 8.1, and Windows 10 in professional and personal settings, agree to disagree. ZDNet’s Mary Jo Foley might also take exception.

Kingsley-Hughes’ piece is so overwrought that is has not escaped the view of other pundits. Writing for BGR, Zach Epstein provides “A friendly takedown of the most ridiculous anti-Apple article we’ve seen in a long time.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Martin and Tibor.)

Epstein flatly says Kingsley-Hughes’ sole complaint about performance, dropped frames, and stuttering that no one seems to have noticed, is a non-issue. Since we are linking to things to prove them, the Macalope will add that ZDNet’s Liam Tung called the Apple A11 Bionic chip “by far the highest-performing system on the market.” Kingsley-Hughes’s other complaints are stability and bugginess (for the latter he links again to Perlow’s piece) which are apparently two separate things. Next we will hear about how annoying it is that iPhones are both flammable and inflammable.

As for usability, well…

iOS usability is now garbage.

In the interest of time, the sole example he offers of said garbageness is Control Center.

Epstein’s conclusion admits iOS has some problems (it does, of course), but puts it in the proper perspective.

Does iOS have bugs and usability issues? Hell yes, it does. Is the platform in a state of disrepair that is any more severe than any other mobile OS or desktop platform? Nope. Is iOS so far gone that there’s no way Apple will ever be able to fix it? That is easily the stupidest notion I’ve heard in a long time.

Why is it so hard to write about Apple problems without making an unbelievable fuss? Sociologists are at a loss to explain it.

People who work in web traffic have some ideas, though.

  
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