2 fast, 2 furious: iPhone SE 2 rumors run amok


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Apple rumors are really exhausting, aren’t they? The Macalope just read a bunch of them and he needs a nap.

But first we need to talk about iPhone SE 2 rumors for a minute because this stuff cray. It’s hella wack. Lit. It’s, uh, on fleek? Whatever, it’s all over the place.

Most of these iPhone SE 2 rumors of late come from the Japanese blog Mac Otakara. MacRumors provides a recent summation stating:

…Apple is apparently still considering a final design for the device among the several different prototypes it is said to have tested.

The Macalope is so old he remembers when the iPhone SE 2 was coming in May or June. He’s even so old he remembers when it was coming late last year. But Apple rumors are like dog years on steroids which is a metaphor that works because dogs age faster than humans and taking steroids can shorten your life. And sometimes riding this rumor-go-round makes shortening one’s life with questionable life choices (like being a dog) not sound so bad.

If Apple is still picking out a design for this phone, how could it even be coming this fall? Don’t they, you know, actually need to make the dang thing first in order to sell it? Or has the company acquired the Time Stone which, by the way, could theoretically be used to unwind some of the events of Avengers: Infinity War restoring some of the—NO, you spend too much time thinking about these things, Kevin.

Where was The Macalope?

Right. The iPhone SE 2. Which… what is an iPhone SE, anyway? Because Mac Otakara seems confused on the issue:

…there are several models of the iPhone SE successor in existence, such as one with the same case size and 6 inch model…

A 6-inch iPhone SE 2? That… what? What phone are you even rumoring, bro?

There probably is a group of people who believe the only signature feature of the current iPhone SE is the price, so any less expensive iPhone must, ipso facto, be an iPhone SE. But that’s not why The Macalope chose it and it’s not why the other iPhone SE owners he knows chose it, too. It’s because we never wanted giant, baking-sheet-sized smartphones destroying our pants pockets and drawing random objects into their massive gravitational fields in the first place. No, you gigantophone people made this world, we’re just forced to live in it.

The Macalope doesn’t know the the split between who bought an iPhone SE because it’s cheap and who bought one because it’s small. It could very well be that more people got it because it was cheap. The horny one does know a former Android user who switched to the iPhone because the SE was the only 4-inch phone he could find, but the plural of “anecdote” is not “data.”

It’s actually “anodyne.”


For the Macalope’s money, a 6-inch iPhone is not an SE. But given it’s taken Apple more than two years to update his phone of choice, it’s pretty clear his money doesn’t matter for much. The Macalope hopes Apple ships a 4-inch phone of some kind this fall.

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