Supremely forced: Any excuse to list Apple’s woes


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Something happened! It must be bad for Apple.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and handlebar mustache implant clinic, Ken Kam knows the drill but fails to show his work.

“Supreme Court Deals Setback To Apple Pay.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Nick and Jim.)

The Supreme Court ruled that American Express can stipulate to retailers that contract to accept their card that they can’t encourage customers to use other cards with lower fees.

People this ruling is definitely bad for:

  • Retailers.
  • Other credit card companies.

But Apple? Why would it be bad for Apple?

There is only one (1) sentence in this entire piece that makes any attempt to explain that and here it is:

But, the Supreme Court's decision makes it harder for Apple Pay to make credit card companies compete.

That’s it.

Imagine if the Macalope wrote a piece entitled “Major League Baseball Is Stealing Our Precious Bodily Fluids” and in the piece the only line he provided to prove that assertion was “I am missing some precious bodily fluids which I believe Major League Baseball stole.” And then he went on for 13 more paragraphs to complain about the designated hitter, using the All-Star Game to determine home field advantage in the World Series and idiots who do the wave at baseball games. That’s kinda what goes on in this piece.

Except it’s 14 more paragraphs, not 13.

If this ruling is somehow bad for Apple, it’s only minimally so and it’s not any worse for Apple than it is for any of Apple’s competitors in mobile payment and digital wallet services. Kam mostly uses this ruling as an excuse to lists Apple’s many, many problems which range from the real to the whut?

Apple Watch, HomePod, Macbook [sic], Macintosh Pro [sic], iMac, iMac Pro, iPad, iPad Pro and even the iPhone all seem to have past their prime.

The HomePod is certainly not the best product Apple has shipped, but it’s only four months old. The iMac Pro is only six months old.

When the Apple Watch was launched, there were supposed to be applications that would make it useful for healthcare monitoring. I don't see any big successes here yet.

Not to hear Chuck La Tournous tell it.

“How my Apple Watch's heart rate monitoring saved my life.”

The Macalope is not at all trying to say everything is hunky-dory with Apple’s product lineup. The Mac lineup is in the doldrums, but the iPhone X is such a forward-thinking design that Android manufacturers are falling over themselves to copy it, even if just in looks. It’s like they’re cosplaying the iPhone X.

It's been a long time since Apple's products "just worked" for me.

Spoken like someone who doesn’t own AirPods.

Needless to say, this piece only lists Apple’s supposed problems and not its strengths, such as its huge cash pile and how it continually manages to squeeze all the profit out of a market. Not to mention the fact that the pickle industry has yet to seal a jar that Bob Mansfield can’t open in less than five seconds. The Macalope thinks Apple will be OK.

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