Expectations game: iPhone killers never pan out


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Is the iPhone even on sale anymore? Has anyone checked? The reason The Macalope asks is because there have been so many “iPhone killers” that one of them must have actually killed it by now, right?

Nope. The Macalope just went to Apple’s website and it turns out it’s still available for sale. Which is surprising.

Back in December, BGR was foreseeing big trouble for Apple because the Galaxy S9 was going to be released a month earlier than the S8 had been released.

Simply put, that’s awful news for Apple.

Of course it is! So bad! There’s no way Apple can survive.

How could the S9 fail?! It has a headphone jack!

…the upcoming Galaxy S9 and Galaxy S9 Plus still work with all your old headphones, in addition to all your new, Bluetooth-powered headphones.

And that’s pretty huge!

So. Huge. It’s nothing but blue skies for the Galaxy Essssssssssss[hold for maximum comedic effect]…

“Samsung’s record profit run ends after reportedly slow Galaxy S9 sales.”


But… but…

Analysts speaking to the Financial Times and The Wall Street Journal say that poor sales of the Galaxy S9 have weighed on Samsung’s bottom line in the second quarter; it’s reportedly sold the lowest of any flagship Samsung phone since the Galaxy S3…

The S3?! That was a bunch of Ss ago. Six whole Ss ago, unless the Macalope’s math is off. OK, there was the iPhone-killing S9, the iPhone-killing S8, the iPhone-killing S7 and the iPhone-killing S6. Then you also had your iPhone-killing S5 and the iPhone-killing S4. And then—yeah, this math checks out—the iPhone-killing S3.

Of course, you also had some iPhone-killing Galaxy Notes in there, too. One of which kept asploding.

Pundits were very willing to look past the Galaxy Note S7’s combustibility so he fully expects that any concerns about the company’s performance will be hand-waved away. While we spent several quarters being sprayed in the face by a firehose full of histrionics over rumors of poor iPhone X sales that later turned out to be incorrect, reports of actual poor sales of the Galaxy S9 will quickly scroll off our news feeds. The Macalope is quite certain we’ll soon be hearing how it’s actually the Galaxy S10 that will kill the iPhone.

If you listen carefully, you can hear it being written right now!

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