The fine print: Defining an iPhone problem


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When reading about potential problems with smartphones, it’s important to read the fine print. Sadly, the fine print is not The Macalope’s beat. All he has is all this coarse and itchy print.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and heavily used fainting couch resale outlet, Gordon Kelly fires the patented Forbes contributor network manufactured hysteria confetti cannon.

“Apple Warns iPhones Have A Serious Problem.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Tibor, Dr. Technical and Daniel.)

“iPhones”? As in all iPhones?

Apple has spent months teasing its new iPhones and we have now even seen official images.

Kelly apparently presumes that Apple leaked those photos deliberately. The Macalope supposes that’s possible, but he assumes facts not in evidence.

That said, while the company’s ambitions for them are clearly high (and prices are low), Apple has had to warn customers of a more clear and present danger to existing models…

All existing models? Presumably, right? We haven’t heard anything to the contrary in the headline or the first paragraph.

…Apple warned customers that models of its iPhone 8 “contain logic boards with a manufacturing defect.

Oh, so it’s all iPhone 8s then haha, no, it’s not even that.

Interestingly, Apple says it has determined that only a very “small percentage” of iPhone 8 models are affected.

A small percentage of one model.

[Looks at headline. Looks at first line of fourth paragraph. Looks at headline. Looks at first line of fourth paragraph. Wades out into ocean from whence he came.]

To be fair, though, “Apple Warns iPhone 8 Has A Serious Problem” is, uh, oh, the exact same number of characters. Never mind.

The horny one doesn’t know how many iPhone 8s have been sold, but it’s not a preponderance of iPhones sold this cycle because Apple has said the iPhone X has been the best-selling iPhone since it was released.

Kelly then cites Apple’s warning that if you send in an iPhone 8 to get its logic board repaired and it has a cracked screen, they will have to repair that first which may be an additional cost.

So be careful, because damage you can live with may not be tolerated by the Apple repair team…

Does Kelly expect Apple technicians to gently pry off each piece of a broken screen and then put them back together when they’re done fixing the logic board because who doesn’t like puzzles? This is like going to the dentist for a root canal and being incensed that you have to open your mouth.

This is not the first time Kelly has pulled this crappy magic trick to make it appear like it was all iPhones having a serious problem when it was really a small percentage of iPhones. In fact, it’s not even the first time he’s used this headline to do it. In fact in fact, it’s not even the first time he’s used the same headline this year to do it. In May, when certain versions of iOS 11 were causing microphone failures on some iPhone 7 and 7 Plus units, Kelly trumpeted “Apple Warns iPhones Have A Serious Problem.” It probably does make it easier to write these things when you can just cut and paste.

Is it just fine that the iPhone 8 has this problem? No! It’s not! What is also not good, however, is trying to gin up hits by insinuating that all iPhones have this problem. And only one of these two things has happened through deliberate, repeated shenanigans.

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