The real winners: You won’t believe who’s supposedly beating Apple

macalope
IDG

In all the hoopla over Apple’s new phones and the recently alleged data breaches reported by Bloomberg and refuted by many, it’s nice to know that we can figure out who the real winners are.

Let The Macalope just look at it here…

[puts on reading glasses, squints at paper]

Says “BlackBerry and Nokia.”

Huh.

OK. Yes. That certainly makes sense.

[takes off glasses, puts down piece of paper, lies down in a forest and lets the trees slowly subsume him]

Yes, tech’s own perpetual wrongness machine, Rob Enderle, is here to explain “BlackBerry And The China Military Supermicro Server Hack”.

I’m at the BlackBerry Security Summit this week…

Held at the Subway sandwich shop in Asbestos, Quebec.

Few other than Bloomberg seem to think their report of rogue chips in servers is true but rest assured that BlackBerry has the solution. Not only that, Rob suspects this could just be the tip of a giant, imaginary iceberg.

BlackBerry has a technology called BSIMS which is specifically designed to prevent the kind of exploit Bloomberg is reporting. It is interesting to note that this is used on phones based on Qualcomm technology but not on devices made by Apple suggesting there may be more of these little chips floating around.

THAT IS NOT WHAT THAT SUGGESTS. The logical leaps conducted here are enough to make Béla Károlyi carry you to the podium as flowers rain down around you. Rob thinks because there might have been malicious chips snuck into servers made by other companies and BlackBerry just happens to make a thing that could possibly prevent that kind of thing on a smartphone, not a server, then it’s likely these chips are in iPhones which are painstakingly designed by Apple which, sure, probably just happened to not notice a rogue chip in their tightly packed smartphones.

Right.

You iPhone users, you may want to make sure you are saying nice things about China just in case…

OK, Rob. Thanks for that tip. You can go back to writing your BlackBerry fan fiction.

He’s not the only one, however, who sees a big win for a smartphone vendor who hasn’t had one since “Lost” was still on the air. Writing for the Forbes contributor network and unintentional dank meme foundry, Ewan Spence says “Nokia Handsets Avoid Flagship Fight To Win The War.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

Now, normally The Macalope doesn’t link to Spence’s “work” because of his serial jerkery, but he felt it best to this time lest he be charged with having made up such a ridiculous stand. So, you can see for yourself, he really wrote that. It defies all logic and possibly the Geneva Convention if you read it to a prisoner of war, but he wrote it.

Since the launch of the Nokia 8 in August 2017, the Nokia name has been on the ascendancy in Android circles.

Are they in “Other name” or “Don’t know yet” on this chart of smartphone brand loyalty?

While Apple may have cornered the high-price high-margin market nicely, the Nokia Mobile approach targets a different market and a different price point.

Making ‘em cheap and short on features and quality, that’s what winning is all about.

Well, allow The Macalope to be the first to say congratulations to our new smartphone winners, BlackBerry and Nokia.

Sarcastically, of course, but still.

  
Shop Tech Products at Amazon