Hi-top fade: When your Apple judging is too obvious

Making unsupported contentions.

macalope
IDG

Apple announces its quarterly results today so that means it’s time to get your shots in to try to drive the price of its stock down so you can buy it cheaper before people realize the company isn’t actually going out of business.

Seeking Alpha isn’t the only place where such stock shenanigans go on but they are here for it!

Author “Long Term Tips” wants you to know that “Apple's Foundation Is Crumbling.”

Apple started to fade after the death of their CEO.

It faded right up to a trillion dollar valuation. That’s a Kid ’n Play-style fade.

Apple just released its new line of phones…

BOR-ING.

Usually, smartphone makers strive to make each new model distinguishable visually from the last in some way…

Except when they don’t!

…even if it’s useless, it makes the customer more satisfied with the product.

Mmm, yes, consumers crave useless changes.

Apple failed in this regard, but other companies are making huge efforts to do so.

Uh-huh. Apple shipped three new phones, including two new screen sizes, one of which includes new colors. Meanwhile, Android OEMs are rushing to copy the notch so fast some of them have accidentally made two.

But, according to Long Term Tips (if that’s his real name), Samsung will be shipping a phone next year that won’t need a notch. So, advantage Samsung!

What?

Oh, right. They haven’t actually shipped that yet. Ha, that’s right! Time is linear! Forgot that for a second. It’s just that it’s so darn tempting to judge Apple on the devices it’s actually shipped and its competitors on devices they haven’t shipped!

As other companies are innovating and implementing new concepts into their phones, Apple is forced to just keep up.

Apple has never had to compete before. This is news to The Macalope who has had to hear for years about “iPhone killers” that were just around the corner.

Competition is where Apple is really starting to feel pressure.

As opposed to? That pound of cheese it shouldn’t have eaten that it found in the parking lot at Applebee’s? Its mom constantly asking when it’s going to have kids? The pile of money it’s under?

Apple’s new phones have received a lot of negative reviews from members of the tech community, and regular consumers alike.

Really.

Really.

It’s interesting that Long Term Tips doesn’t link to anything to support that contention. Some might say it’s a hilarious tell or a foppish and ham-fisted attempt at making contentions not supported by facts.

Some might say that.

Many people were also upset there didn’t appear to be any noticeable change in how the phone looked.

MANY PEOPLE, I ASSURE YOU, YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHECK THAT.

For a premium and high-end price, many people are also expecting a flawless device…

The Macalope counted them and the word “many” emphasizes nine unsupported claims in this piece, including the advice that you should short the stock because “not many people will expect the position, but the stock should begin to hit a decline as its decline is recognized by the market.” In Long Term Tips’ defense, it is possible these “long term tips” are on a geologic timescale.

“We expect AAPL to decline as the heat death of the universe overtakes all matter.”

Sometimes, it just looks like these people are trying too hard and…

Consumers are noticing the issues with the new iPhones and more people are starting to turn to the competition.

OK, The Macalope thinks we’re done here.

  
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