Ghosts of Christmas present: Spooky stories of other platforms

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The Macalope isn’t here to tell you that everything is all sugarplums and candy canes on Apple devices all the time, but since he deals with the worst of complaints about them week in and week out, let’s spend this magical day looking at what could be if only…

If only…

…we were on other platforms.

[cue wavy screen effect and xylophone music]

“Couple 'frightened' after Samsung phones fail to connect to 911 on Freedom Mobile.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Ramin.)

Aaaah! OK, that… does not seem good. Fortunately, everything turned out OK and it was a very isolated combination of things that caused it; certain Samsung devices on one particular network in Canada. Of course, if this had happened on an iPhone, the Forbes contributor network and reindeer rendering facility would be beside itself.

And, seriously, the thought of two Forbes contributor networks right next to each other? The Macalope does not want to go anywhere near that part of town.

"Samsung told me maybe I should have replaced my SIM card and tried again or called someone else to call 911 on my behalf," said [Kelly] Smith, who said the failed calls have left her "frightened" over the next call.

“Marge? How are you now? Oh, not so bad. Say, Gary’s having himself one of those heart attacks. Would you mind calling the 911 fer us? Samsung phones. That’s right. Much obliged.”

Figgur it oot, Samsung.

No matter how bad you might consider things to be on someone else’s platform, do not take it on yourself to do this:

“Visiting family for Christmas? Replace Windows 10 on their computer with Peppermint OS 9 Respin Linux distro.”

“Mom, let me show you how to compile your own image editor. It’s super easy. First, we’re going to get into the command line and… Where are you going?”

Hey, The Macalope is no fan of Windows 10, but at least you don’t have to spend hours trying to find drivers for your sound card.

If you’re going to do this, why not replace all the food in their refrigerator with kale chips? Replace their dogs with cats? Throw out their Bible, Koran or Talmud and replace it with The Silmarillion? You only see them once a year, so make sure to swoop in and make all the judgmental changes you can.

How can you get the nightmare of fixing their Windows-based PC to stop? This Christmas, you should give them the gift of a stable and secure operating system that doesn't spy on them. Enter Linux.

And exit you from the family. Now, maybe your family is so dysfunctional that it’s time to let that burning bridge light your way to a better life, but most people probably aren’t really looking for such drastic measurers. On Christmas.

Before you make the journey to a family member's home for the holidays, be sure to create some install media so you can easily overwrite Windows 10 with Linux while there.

What is wrong with you? Here the thing that’s bad isn’t Windows 10 or Peppermint OS 9 Teddy Ruxpin Linux Death of Disco, it’s the people who think that annual visit is for upending their parents’ technology world. If you thought you were getting too many support calls from dad before, just wait until he has an entirely new operating system to deal with.

The Macalope hopes everyone read until the last line!

Of course, before you nuke Windows on your mom, dad, or grandma's PC, be sure to get their permission first and then backup their data before proceeding!

Oh. Ohhh. Oh, no.

The horny one hopes Grandma doesn’t have a Samsung phone when she sits down at her computer to check her Facebook on Boxing Day because she’s going to have a heart attack.

  
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