Blowing in the wind: Apple’s presumed failing

Apple's disastrous second-best quarter ever.


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Rest assured that the Apple doom train continues to chug along whether you choose to ride it or it ever stops at Cupertino or not.

Writing for Gizmodo, Rhett Jones says “Apple Is Blowing It.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Bart.)

“Blowing what?” you may ask. Let The Macalope assure you it is blowing all the things. Let us hasten to the enumeration of the blowings, for there are many blowings to be enumerated and we would not want to leave a single blowing behind.

The Apple’s starting to fall far from the tree

Translation: I am driving to the outskirts of town to buy these incorrectly-used Apple metaphors from Dirty Ray’s Misplaced Metaphor Market and Vape Shop.

On Tuesday, Apple will report its first-quarter earnings, and financial analysts are expecting dire results.

Apple’s second-best quarter ever is “dire.” That’s a… uh… that is… um… a thing you can apparently say on the internet. And not burst into flames.

As it turned out, the company beat estimates and its revised forecast (which, duh). Its shares are up more than 15 points since it announced its results.

Virtually every facet of Apple’s reputation for innovation, quality, and desirability has been tarnished in one way or another.

What’s the reverse of fanfic? Whatever that is, this is it.

And at a moment when it appeared to be building its brand as the choice for privacy, it’s suddenly found itself embroiled in an embarrassing privacy scandal.

Jones, who apparently cannot tell the difference between a bug and willful attempts to subvert privacy, is referring to the Group FaceTime bug in iOS 12.

Apple has a stellar reputation for security. The iPhone has long deserved to be known as the most secure smartphone in the world. But it’s seemingly become more common to find malware-riddled apps in the iOS app store…

It is a constant battle for Apple to keep up on bad actors trying to get apps into the App Store and the company is not always perfect at it. But let’s compare that to Android, where FaceBook’s malware VPN app, Onavo, is still readily available on the Google Play Store. There’s a platform that tries and one that just doesn’t. Apple spent much of the past week smacking down both FaceBook and Google over privacy but to Jones the company doesn’t deserve any credit.

Not all of Jones’s criticism of Apple is unfair. But you need tweezers to pick the valid criticism out of the landslide of obtuse polemics and presumptive predictions.

It’s [sic] streaming TV service is expected to launch in the spring—it’s also expected to totally suck.

Apple analysis is easy if you take the worst case scenario for everything!

Last week, 200 people were laid off from [Project Titan]…

Apple has reduced staff in Project Titan, but it may not be strictly a layoff as at least some employees were given a few months to find new positions in the company.

Apple’s earnings today are expected to disappoint investors…

Yeah, that didn’t happen. This is usually why people write articles like this right before instead of right after.

It’s becoming a boring company that’s shedding users’ trust.

Even if this were true, who would you trust more? Apple or the companies that are actively trying to subvert your privacy?

This is not Jones’s first “You think Apple is good at privacy but it’s not” small animal rodeo. The company may not be perfect, but it’s way better than its competition.

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