Camera obscura: Pre-judging the iPhone XR2

Renders don’t necessarily look like the real thing.


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We are months and months away from actually seeing Apple’s 2019 iPhones but it’s never too early to judge how ugly they are. (Spoiler: so ugly.)

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and hand-stuck-in-a-mason-jar survivors support group, Gordon Kelly doubles (or possibly quadruples, The Macalope has lost count) down on how ugly the iPhone XR2 will be.

“New iPhone XR2 Renders Detail Apple’s Shocking Design.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @designheretic.)

Worried about Apple’s new iPhone designs?

Um, no? Frankly, the horny one thinks that you can slide the new iPhone designs under “alien invasion” and “kaiju attack” on your list of things to worry about.

He says this not just as a mythical beast himself but as a concerned citizen of the Earth: kaiju are coming and nothing will stop their destructive power.

Except the love of one small child.

Kelly presumes you’ve been reading his hyperbolic coverage of each and every render of Apple’s future iPhone line and have worked yourself into a veritable lather if not an actual lather from frothing at the mouth about Apple’s monumental blunder which hasn’t happened yet. So he assumes you’ve answered “OMG YES SO WORRIED”.

That’s understandable.

Just like your hypochondria. You may have Legionnaire’s Disease, Margaret. We can’t rule that out just because of some “tests”.

And now we have razor-sharp images of the controversial design changes Apple will make…

And the iPhone XR2 looks terrible! In these renders! That someone other than Apple made!

You can almost hear the WHOOSH of air as it rushes into the logical hole in this argument.

Kelly embeds renders created by EverythingApplePro which, from a shape perspective, could very well be almost exactly what we’ll see on the iPhone XR2. The problem is, a brick made out of hundreds of compressed but still writhing and very angry spider crickets and a brick made out of gold can have basically the same shape. You’d probably only want to hold one of them in your hand, though.

The renders show the edge of the camera bump as being made of the exact same material as the rest of the back. But that’s not how Apple has made that feature to date. Even on the “cheap” iPhone XR, the edge of the camera bump has a shinier finish. So, sure, the square camera bump might still seem overly large, but it will almost undoubtedly look better than shown in the renders (probably more like this render of the iPhone 11 at BGR).

…the iPhone XR2 looks like a lazy knock-off…

You might think that should have been a clue not to take it literally but, then, you don’t write for the Forbes contributor network and found object sandwich artist colony. EverythingApplePro didn’t necessarily intend for people to take their render as perfect, just directionally correct. Kelly, however, is rushing into this open elevator door whether there’s an elevator car there or not. No time to waste!

The Macalope is so old he remembers when people thought early images of the iPhone 4 were too ugly to be true. Thus, we come to the basic problem: you simply can’t judge an iPhone until you see it.

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