The sun never rises: Apple’s perpetual doom state

This year’s iPhones doomed, just like every year’s iPhones.

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It’s the time of year again where we can look forward to fall when the leaves change and the iPhones fail.

Writing for TheStreet, Annie Gaus asks the tough questions.

“Months from Launch, Is Apple’s iPhone 11 Already Doomed?” (Tip o’ the antlers to Daniel.)

Tough because The Macalope imagines it’s so hard to ask that without bursting out laughing. Or bursting into flames if you’re actually seriously asking that question.

Gaus is well-versed in the “Just askin’!” school of journalism, having asked last summer “Has Apple Lost its Cool Factor?”

Apple is months away from announcing a new lineup of iPhones, but you could be excused for missing it.

As it hasn’t happened yet and will not happen for months.

This time around, Apple fans clamoring for game-changing new features or flourishes are likely to be disappointed.

You know that rectangle that you hold and hardly ever look at because you’re looking at the things happening on the screen of the rectangle? Yeah, that rectangle is still going to be a rectangle.

What a letdown.

Rumors, which are infallible, point to—and, please, remain seated during this dramatic reveal—changes to the camera. Very interesting, no? Changes… to the camera. This has never happened before, other than every time. Anyway, because that’s all we’ve heard through the rumor mill, we can safely assume that those are the only changes being made to the new iPhones.

Will those features alone be enough to trigger mass upgrades or to counteract Apple’s troubles in China? Probably not.

Much like only Nixon could go to China, only Apple has problems in China. Presumably everyone else is doing just peachy there and it’s all blue skies.

…many analysts are looking straight past the iPhone 11 line due in the fall and into 2020. That’s when Apple’s 5G phones are expected…

But according to AT&T, people are already enjoying 5G so what’s to wait for?

We get some sanity around, ohhhh, paragraph 12.

“Waiting around for 5G doesn’t just affect Apple; it affects the whole industry,” [D.A. Davidson analyst Tom Forte] said.

As does the slowdown in China’s market. Sadly, the rest of the industry could not fit into the title. Just Apple.

Forte’s whole thesis is that it’s good that Apple has shown it can make money even when it doesn’t sell more iPhones. That’s a message that Gaus doesn’t seem to find exciting, though.

With more news around the corner, Apple still has much in store for the rest of this year. For investors, however, the iPhone’s next generation could wind up a lost one.

Speaking of lost generations does seem appropriate here. Because to the Apple doom cult, the company’s comeuppance is certainly a moveable feast, always just over the horizon.

  
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