Bad news roundup: Evaluating Apple’s current rough patch

Don't worry about Apple.

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Apple’s stock is down on bad news for the economy due to the coronavirus. Suppliers are slowly getting back to work in China as Apple has been forced to close stores in other countries. This, of course, leads us to one question: is this the end times for Apple?

Perhaps. Clearly the only winners here are…

[squints at printout]

…”open” and Linux on the desktop.

Sorry, that’s just a page The Macalope tore out of The Technology Pundit’s Handbook a few years ago. He’s not sure if it’s still accurate. However, we could see a return of the Zune as mid-2000s nostalgia sweeps through Millennials.

Also, don’t rule out BlackBerry. The Macalope doesn’t know why, just… don’t rule out BlackBerry.

So bad have things gotten that one rumor last week had Apple canceling the release of the iPhone 9, which was expected to be announced late this month. The reasons for the cancelation, according to BGR’s Chris Smith summarizing a YouTube video by FrontPageTech’s Jon Prosser, are that Apple “doesn’t want to encourage large crowds of people to its stores” trying to buy the device and that “given the worldwide panic concerning the virus, Apple fears that iPhone 9 sales could suffer.”

So, Apple is canceling the release of a device because it fears big crowds and low sales.

Okay. That makes sense.

As if things couldn’t get bad enough for Apple, the company was hit by a $1.2 billion fine by France for price fixing with its distributors. That’s still less than 1 percent of Apple’s cash hoard but a billion here and a billion there and pretty soon you’re talking about real money. Predicting Apple doom based on bugs in iOS seems positively pedestrian (tip o’ the antlers to Don) when the company faces such existential threats.

Still, some are saying the company could see historic levels of iPhone sales later this year because of a 5G supercycle, which is not a thing made by Peloton.

Wait, is it?

Ugh, The Macalope hates it when he makes a mildly funny offhand joke and then he has to fact check it.

No, it’s not. Confirmed. Thank you, Gary, The Macalope’s fact-checking intern.

Let’s give a hand to Gary. Who is working remotely.

And is also fictional. Which is good because that means The Macalope doesn’t have worry about paying him if he has to reduce his workload.

WHAT?

NOTHING, GARY.

He’s fictional but a bit of a worry-wart, frankly.

Look, Apple, like most rich companies and people, will be fine. Just fine. Don’t worry about Apple. We all have bigger things to worry about.

Stay home. Be safe. Take care of yourself and worry about the three-ring poodle circus that is Apple punditry later.

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