Congratulations, Apple! The legislations that you have been lobbying against has been torpedoed in the Senate! Also, condolences, Apple. Several things you say you are for are going to be harder to achieve now.
President Biden’s Baby Buggy Bumpers bill… no, wait, that’s not it. Banana Bumble Bingo bill. No. No. Uh… Build Back Better bill! That’s it. The one Apple has reportedly been lobbying against for months. How silly of the Macalope. Anyway, it suffered a severe setback in the Senate as Joe Manchin (D-Coal) declared he would not vote for it, saying, and the Macalope is not at all quoting here: “Look at me, look at me, oh, god, please everyone look at me.”
He did not actually say that. It just seems like he’s constantly saying that.
What was in this legislation that has to do with Apple? Well, for a company that loves to tell us how much it values the environment, a clean energy standard that would decarbonize the electric grid. Surely Apple is for that, right? Well, if it is it has a funny way of showing it.
The plan would have also made it harder for companies to manipulate tax loopholes to reduce their effective tax rate to almost nothing or, in many cases, actually nothing. These would be the loopholes that someone from Apple told Congress back in 2013 that the company was in favor of eliminating.
Who was that again? Let’s see. Hmm. Just gonna look it up here… Some Tim Cook fella. Probably a low-level paper pusher. Not familiar with his work.
Now, this criticism sticks less than the environmental issues because the proposal doesn’t end loopholes, it just tries to do an end-run around them.
But Apple proudly declaring it pays all the taxes it legally has to while using its considerable power to lobby against having to pay what the rest of us pay is, pun very much intended, pretty rich.
The horny one isn’t saying Apple should lobby for the things he wants. They’ve never once lobbied for the Alfalfa Affordability Act. Not once. And that hasn’t stopped the Macalope from having enough Mac boxes in his basement that he could build a considerable fort with them. Not that he’s ever done that. That you know of.
No, he’s saying Apple shouldn’t lobby. At all. It didn’t used to lobby and the Macalope preferred it that way.
Look, the Macalope is not a policy wonk (although he briefly worked in DC). He’s not an expert in climate dynamics (he just listens to experts in climate dynamics). He’s not a tax accountant (although he was once a corporate accountant). He’s not a cereal or a floor wax (although one day we all will be as our atoms are recycled continuously on this planet until the sun one day explodes, sending them back to the cosmos).
But he knows when people are talking out of both sides of their mouths. You don’t have to be much of an expert in anything other than people to recognize that.
Is Apple doing anything that other companies — like Microsoft, Alphabet and Facebook — aren’t also doing? No. And that’s what’s disappointing.